06.29.08
Worst Legal Movies-Awful, Awful, Awful
I accumulated this list by punishing my senses to suffer so those who are warned can spared and keep their brain cells intact. Though there may be worse movies, the movies on this list are those produced so that there would some seriousness taken in their making. Regardless of budget, star power, director, or script these are the truly horrendous legal movies I’ve seen so you don’t have to.
5. Soul Man
Saw this movie back in the 80’s and even before the marriage leading to the divorce leading to the degree leading to the law degree leading to the bar exam leading to the formation of GDH&S had yet to occur, I knew then this is one god awful movie. Ayre Gross is a funny guy and I liked C. Thomas Howell in Gettysburg and I’m sure Rae Dong Chong has a good movie somewhere but everyone sucked in this. Mark Watson is cut off by his father and can’t get a loan to go to Harvard Law School so he overdoses on tanning pills and gets a perm. Stupid look and nobody figures out he’s white? Offensive but “redeeming” because he learns about prejudice…not. James Earl Jones must have needed rent money.
4. Jury Duty
Pauly Shore stars. I can halfway stand him as Johnny Drama’s antagonist on “Entourage.” But this is just one awful movie. If you feel the need to watch…don’t spend money on it and remember, you’ll never get the time back. He wants to get on a jury so he can get money for a place to live? I could just review the movie but I hate being so negative. If you want to watch a good Pauly Shore movie…you will just have to wait for it to be made.
3. The Pelican Brief
This Grisham work wins (loses) over the Runaway Jury because it stars two Oscar Winners, Denzel Washington and the overrated Julia Roberts. Someone is murdering U.S. Supreme Court justices and Julia Roberts writes a brief detailing who she thinks is behind the killings. Yes, a law student out-thought everyone investigating the case. Then everyone who reads this brief dies. Must have been one crappy brief. She and Denzel, a reporter, go on the run, hiding and evading their pursuers who are after them for this brief. My question is: Why not just fax it to every law enforcement agency and newspaper in the country, state, county…moral is, there are no stupid briefs, just stupid people who write briefs.
2. Seems Like Old Times
Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase. A bunch of dogs (Not including Chevy Chase). Charles Grodin. Dumb script. Goldie is defense attorney married to DA Grodin. Chase is Goldie’s ex husband who’s a fugitive. This is the best that it gets. I believe its rated PG so you can make your children watch it if they don’t want to do their homework. They’ll be National Merit Scholars and you’ll be on trial for child abuse.
1. TIE Body of Evidence
This is one awful movie made at the time Madonna was “shocking” everyone with her book SEX. If you didn’t see the nude photos, you’ll get your fill here. Joe Montegna and Willem Dafoe also star in this moronic plot where Madonna is accused of murder for killing her septuagenarian millionaire lover by…get this…screwing him to death. Willem Dafoe defends and believes in her until he falls into her games of hot candle wax, handcuffs, and having sex with someone a thousand others have passed. Don’t bother.
1. TIE Suspect
Another awful movie starring an actress who doesn’t have a last name…Cher. Joe Montegna is in this movie too. So is Dennis Quaid and Liam Neeson. But it’s horrendous. A juror (Quaid)helping a public defender (Cher) solve the crime during a jury trial. Yes, during a jury trial. This plotline alone makes this waste of time tied for the worst legal movie ever.
06.28.08
Amazing Grace
Year: 2006 Release Date: February 26, 2007
Written by: Steven Knight
Starring: Ioan Guffud, Albert Finney, Michael Gambon, Benedict Cumberbatch
This is a moving and inspiring movie about actual events leading to the end of the slave trade in Great Britain. Elected to the House of Commons at the age of 21, William Wilberforce (Ioan Gruffud pronounced Ian Griffin) takes his seat in the late 1700s and with zeal and idealism rarely displayed in politics and attempts to end the Trans-Atlantic slave trade. Inspired by his childhood minister, John Newton (Albert Finney), Wilberforce takes on Parliament but also tackles the court of public opinion. John Newton was a former slave trader who, during a storm at sea, took an oath to give his life to the church should he survive. True to his word, he survived and wrote several hymns, the most revered being “Amazing Grace.”
Through the years he is met with resistance and support but the politics and politicians of his time and his measure is defeated year after year. Ready to quit, his new love (played by Ramona Garai) and his old friend William Pitt (Benedict Cumberbatch) reignite his ambition.
One of the finest quotes I’ve ever heard in a movie is made by Lord Charles Fox (Michael Gambon) and is presented here (don’t read if you hate spoilers):
“When people speak of great men, they think of men like Napoleon – men of violence. Rarely do they think of peaceful men. But contrast the reception they will receive when they return home from their battles. Napoleon will arrive in pomp and in power, a man who’s achieved the very summit of earthly ambition. And yet his dreams will be haunted by the oppressions of war. William Wilberforce, however, will return to his family, lay his head on his pillow and remember: the slave trade is no more.”
A great website accompanies the movie with downloads for educators and students. Its located at http://www.amazinggracemovie.com . The song endures as more than a hymn. It is played during funerals of firefighters and law enforcement killed in the line of duty, it was played as an anthem of the civil rights movement, it was played when Nelson Mandela was freed, and it was played during the fall of the Berlin Wall.
06.15.08
Best Father’s Day Movies
5. Hook
Not the best movie, but a great Father’s Day movie. I saw this movie with my children years ago when they were young and I was just younger. There’s a scene in the middle of the movie that all fathers should watch. Peter Banning (Robin Williams), nee Peter Pan (Robin Williams, later in a Peter Pan outfit complete with green tights), is now a corporate lawyer neglecting his children and taking calls on one of the largest cell phones ever made. His wife throws the phone out the window. Moira Banning, played by Caroline Goodall, tells/yells to him that he only gets a few years and he’s missing them. That one day, his children won’t want him around, won’t want to talk to him and will be going their own way. She’s right. They are great years. Nothing is worth missing them. I remember watching my sons play lacrosse and soccer. Those were the greatest moments of my life. Now, 17 and 18, those times will never come again. New experiences yes…but not those. Don’t miss yours.
4. In the Name of the Father
This is salute to my law partner and dear friend Rob Galvin. He’s repeatedly mentioned this movie as one of his favorites and this is truly one great movie and one great Father’s Day movie. The movie stars Pete Postlewait (Oscar nominated for this role) and Daniel Day Lewis (Oscar nominated for this role and many others, the Meryl Streep of male actors) in this adaptation of a true story of the Guilford Four who were accused of being IRA terrorists in the bombing of a London pub. Gerry Conlin’s (Lewis) father, Guisseppe (Postlewait), is also accused due to draconian terrorist laws suspending civil liberties (sound familiar?) and both are imprisoned together. Being imprisoned together changes Gerry’s impression of his father and Guisseppe eventually secures Gerry’s release even though he himself dies in prison.
3. Liar, Liar
Jim Carrey star as Fletcher Reed, a lawyer who, because of the birthday wish of his neglected son, Max, cannot tell a lie for 24 hours. There are two thoughts I have to this movie. First, nothing is more important in our lives than our children. Not work, not being upset at the other parent, not friends, nothing is worth missing out on the few precious years a parent has with their children.
2. Field of Dreams
One of my favorite movies. I actually saw this movie at a theater with my Father in Baltimore, Md. Though the focus is baseball, it is actually one of the best father-son movies ever made. Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner back when he did good movies) makes amends for saying things he regrets to his father John Kinsella (Dwier Brown). Sure he has to build a baseball field in his cornfield, travel to Boston and kidnap a reclusive novelist, and travel to Minnesota to find a long-dead doctor. All of this culminates in a great ending and every son’s endeavor; playing a game of catch with his father. Nothing legal here but a kidnapping and a possible foreclosure.
1. Return of the Jedi
Not a legal movie unless you count Luke’s appearance before the emperor and Darth Vader as a trial of sorts. But Darth Vader, having revealed himself to be Luke’s father in Empire Strikes Back wants to establish a father-son bond by having Luke join him by going to the Dark Side. Luke doesn’t want to enter the family business of reigning over the galaxy and they attempt to resolve their differences of opinion in Luke’s career choice by having a duel to the death. Father and son in the course of their family infighting manage to chop each other’s hand off (Luke’s was chopped off in Empire). If only Darth had realized the truth about children. You can’t turn them to the Dark Side. They won’t listen to you.
HONORABLE MENTION
The Sopranos
Tony, Tony, Tony. I watch him and I don’t feel so bad about my failures as a husband and a father. I also understand the anxiety of balancing work and family.
The Godfather
My father bought me a gun when I was 12 and told me not to shoot anyone. (interestingly enough, he never said anything about me shooting myself) Vito Corleone bought his children guns and told them to shoot everybody. Fredo notwithstanding, Sonny and Michael took the fatherly advice to heart.
Big Fish
Great movie. Not sure why it’s not on the list other than no lawyer or legal hook to it. Watch it. Saw it with my father a couple of years ago. I got the feeling he was remembering his father while I applied the movie to him.
Big Daddy
Yes, it stars Adam Sandler. It also has a ridiculous courtroom scene but it does show that being present at the moment of conception does not make a father. It’s what a man does every year, every month, every week, and every day afterwards that truly makes a man a father.
A Time to Kill
Father kills the men accused of raping his daughter. Reminds me of an argument a lawyer made in Court about a father being protective. Also has a stupid scene with Sandra Bollock in a mini skirt sneaking into a doctor’s office to steal records. Why didn’t they just ask for discovery?
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
I really related to this movie. No matter what you accomplish, no matter how many children you raise, no matter what businesses you build, no matter how many degrees you earn…your father will continue to criticize you.
No De Facto Parenthood in Maryland
What is De Facto parenthood? It is the raising of a child where an adult has no biological nor adoptive ties to a child. You can feed them, put a roof over their heads, take care of them when their sick, get them to school, suffer with them when they’re down…
“The Maryland Court of Appeal has ruled that the concept of “de facto” parenthood for those who have helped to care for a child but lack biological or adoptive ties is not recognized in that state. Family law attorneys expect the ruling to have broad ramifications for non-traditional families. Advocacy groups said they will petition state lawmakers to pass legislation recognizing de facto parenthood.” Laura Smitherman, Baltimore Sun 05/20/2008
This decision goes so far against the true definition of a “parent.” Being a parent has nothing to do with being present at the moment of conception nor with a document declaring someone a parent. In being a family law attorney, I have been priviledged to know persons who are parents in the truest sense of the word. Some are single parents, adoptive parents, step parents, guardians…anyone who has loved a child
06.06.08
Iron Jawed Angels (TV HBO)
Year: 2004 Release Date: February 15, 2004
Starring: Hilary Swank, Frances O’Connor, Angelica Huston, Brooke Smith, Patrick Dempsey
The Nineteenth Amendment to the Constitution enfranchised women and this HBO movie tells the story of the women who fought for the right to participate in the most cherished right held by United States citizens. It’s 1913, and two young suffragists, Alice Paul and Doris Stevens (Hilary Swank and Frances O’Connor), petition Carrie Catt (Angelica Huston) to hold a parade in Washington, D.C. the day before Woodrow Wilson’s inauguration.
This movie provides a dichotomy. First, there is the dichotomy between the old-school suffragists trying to win the vote one state at a time and the new suffragist…young, radical, and hot. Then there are two parts to this movie. The first part plays like a 1910’s Sex and the City with these girls concerned with men, drinking, smoking, fashion, and the right to vote. Throw in a male political cartoonist (Patrick Dempsey) for a little romance and one creepy scene and I wished I had remembered that I could have changed the channel. The second part, however, picks up steam with the beginning of World War I and the suffragists are picketing the White House. Riots result and the picketers are arrested for “obstructing traffic.” Pleading “not guilty” and refusing to pay a fine for a crime they did not commit, the women go to jail where Alice Paul begins a hunger strike. After being sent to the mental ward and being force fed, public sentiment begins to sway, and Wilson, like any good President, pushes for a change to the Constitution and the movie finishes with the ratification of the 19th Amendment.
While I cannot recommend this movie, I did appreciate viewing the struggle for a right that is taken for granted in today’s society. It is hard to imagine with the faces of the present presidential election that less than 100 years ago almost one-half the population was disenfranchised. I also appreciated the civil disobedience more likely inspired by Thoreau than Martin Luther King and Ghandi. There is a note at the end of the movie that the U.S. Court of Appeals held the sentences of the women unconstitutional and overturned them. Also, HBO has a great website for the movie that includes the historical background found here. It’s just too hard to get past the goofy camera work and ode to Sex and the City and the inclusion of the Patrick Dempsey character.
One and a half Gavels.
